Someone Asked...

This was an impromptu interview carried out by a friend while we were waiting for a class. 

Q: Why do you like singing?

A: I guess I've tried a lot of different things in my life. Sports, art, languages and stuff like that and though I'm okay at those things I really feel like the only thing I've ever been remotely good at. I have sisters and they all have things that they are just plain amazing at and I envy them. Music, singing specifically, has been the only thing I feel like I've been blessed with to make me stand out. 

Q: Who is your hero?

A: Well, that depends. When I was little I didn't think anyone could be more awesome than Julie Andrews. I love her voice! But as I got older I came to realize that very few people in my life are worthy of the "hero" status. First, I'd have to say my parents. They are both tied for first place. If you were to look up the word "patient" in the dictionary you'd see a picture of my Dad. It would be the same if you were to look up "selfless", "hard-working" and, my personal favorite, "bald". My Mom would be pictured next to "talented", "caring" and "dedicated". They are constantly trying to make sure that all of her daughters, all six of us, are happy. We're all so different! We all dabble in everything and have our own personal strengths and weaknesses and my parents have been able to keep my family functional. 

Q: Do you have a favorite sister?

A: What? No! I think I get along with each sister a little bit differently but that's because we each have such...different personalities. I think I get along best with Lauren but I think that could be said about her by any one of us. She's just a little more versatile when it comes to adapting to personalities. 

Q: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

A: Easy! Ireland. Preferably Galway, Ireland. I don't know if my sisters feel the same connection to our Irish heritage like I do but there has always been a... biological call, if you will, for me to that place. I think my parents think I'm a little nuts because I feel like that but I can't help it. The music, the cliffs, the simplistic beauty of the country-side and the richness of the culture are enough for me to want to visit for an extended period of time and then again and again. Sadly, I haven't made it there yet. I plan to go someday. 

Q: So you have some Irish heritage, does that mean you're a real redhead?

A: I'm a real redhead at heart!!! That's all that matters! In all honesty, I am naturally a strawberry dark-blondish color. So physically, no but my spirit is as feisty and redheaded as can be! :)

Q: What is your favorite color?

A: Purple.

Q: What is your favorite feature about yourself?

A: Um, I think I'd have to say my smile. I've always felt, and maybe I'm wrong, that it's my most genuine  feature. I like smiling too. I like it when I can't help but smile. 

Q:What do you want to do want to do with a Bachelor's Degree in Theater Education?

A: Is this a trick question? Um, I'd like to teach. High School. I love children and I think that they are extremely intelligent and can learn and understand so much more than we give them credit for. However, I know what theater did for me as an outlet when I was in high school. I'm grateful for the chances that I had to put on a character who was nothing like me because it taught me a lot about myself. There really isn't anyway to explain it, one has to experience it to really understand what it feels like. 

Q: If there is one thing from your past that you could undo what would it be?

A: I've been asked this before and I honestly don't think I did anything that I would take back. I would rather go back and do things that I didn't. Like, take more time to work on music theory and take voice lessons from someone who wouldn't compare me to other "fantastic vocalists". I would go back in time and appreciate more the beauty of all the different places that I lived. 

Q: Last one: What is your biggest fear?

A: That I will go through life unloved. That I won't find someone who loves me as much as I love them. Also, I fear that my family will somehow disown me and that nothing I do will be acceptable to them. Maybe it's an irrational fear but it's real. The other fear I have is of the dark. That's a long and funny story that I can tell you another time. 

So, there you go. Some really random facts about me. It was a fun little interview. It made me feel like I was a celebrity or something.

The Little Tree

Once Upon A Time...

There was a little tree. 

It was a little tree with lacy boughs 

that were filled with grace and beauty. 

However, little tree was surrounded by big fluffy full grown Pines.
This little tree had dreams of becoming a big tree that would someday 

reside in someone's home as their Christmas tree.
All the other trees laughed and laughed at him.
There was no way a little tree like him could ever grow up
 to be a beautiful Christmas tree.
But the little tree was not discouraged.
Every time a family would pass him in the woods
he would stretch as tall as he could
and reach out as far as his boughs could go.
But no one ever picked him.
With every passing person, little tree would stretch and reach,
stretch again and reach again.
Sometimes he would even sway in the wind to show everyone that he could dance, just like the big Pines.
But sadly, little tree was left alone.
He watched as one by one, year after year
the Pines would be chosen and carried away to be decorated,
sung around, gazed at, and praised.
He so wished he could be big
because if he was big, he would be loved too!
One night, little tree looked up at the stars in the sky.
He found the brightest one he would see and wished.
"I wish for a family to find me and take me home! And, brightest star,
if you would, could they give me a name too? I would so very much love a name."
Then, closing his eyes he fell asleep.
The next day, little tree was woken up by the sound of sniffing.
A young puppy had found him and close behind were the pup's family.
He closed his eyes really tight and with as much hope as he could muster
asked for this family to take him home.
He opened his eyes.
There she was.
A redheaded girl was playing with the puppy
and little tree knew she would be the one to take him home.
So he stretched and reached and swayed
seeing that she was close by.
If only she would look up she would see him.
And then she did.
She praised his beautiful lacy boughs and stayed close by him until
the others came by.
He was so hopeful!
But the redheaded girl smiled and they all kept on walking.
Devastated, little tree, drooped his boughs and began to cry.
He looked up to the sky where the star had been the night before,
"Why? Why little star could I not just go with her?"
But then, much to little tree's astonishment
the redheaded girl came back!
Her smile was wide and she turned to the blond boy with her and said,
"This one. This one is my Christmas tree!"
Little tree could not believe it!
He was chopped down by the boy and then the redheaded girl picked him up.
"He is perfect, " she said with a smile. "Simply perfect."
That was the year that little tree was decorated,
sung around, gazed at and praised.
He was now a Christmas tree and his name was Phineus.

*This is my tree Phineus, he is simply perfect!*

Phineus, my Christmas Tree

Yes. He is wearing a bow tie. Why? Because bow ties are cool!

Giving Thanks

*Names have been removed to protect the identities of the innocent. So, instead I have pictures!*

Meg

This Thanksgiving Break was the most amazing break I've had in long time. Don't get me wrong, I've loved the hospitality and love that has been shared with me by friends and family in the last couple years and I am grateful for people who have taken me in. However, this year I was blessed to spend Thanksgiving Break with The Olsen Family. My "boy's" family. Yes, I have a "boy". He will be discussed at length on a different day.  Wednesday night Boy and I drove from Provo to Manti. There was this overwhelming sense of freedom as we left the city and headed into the darkness of the country. I didn't feel trapped anymore by street lights, crazy drivers who think every street is the NASCAR track, lights, and an overwhelming amount of people. The stars were more visible and that alone made me heart sigh with relief. We drove for about an hour and a half and the view of the temple, as we drove into the town was enough to stop my heart. It was absolutely stunning. Once we got inside we dropped our bags and I met Boy's family. His immediate family, that is. He has two younger brothers, Twins, and they are hilarious. His Mom is one of the most amazing ladies I have ever met. She was baking pies for Thanksgiving when we got there and she was so kind and hospitable, she's just simply a wonderful woman. His Dad is soft spoken and also kind. He, too, is quite an amazing man. I have to admit something though, I think the cutest member of his family (aside from Boy) is his dog, Meg. She is the most adorable boarder collie puppy I have ever met. She kissed me and curled up in my lap and played with me. She seemed so proud to show off her "mad" raccoon hunting skills. She simply melted my heart. Anyway, it was nice to sit and chat for awhile and let's just say that I had no idea of what was in store for me in the days to come.

This is me and Boy. 

Thursday-Thanksgiving Day
The Olsen's have a tradition in their family. Pie for Breakfast. It is probably the most ingenious idea I have heard in a long time. They have pie for breakfast with the whole family because, as everyone knows, after dinner you're too stuffed to eat anything especially pie. This way you don't feel like you're a balloon about ready to pop! It's magnificent. What's more is that I believe all of the pies were homemade. It's a beautiful thing. Anyway, I met a whole lot of cousins and Aunts and Uncles and it was overwhelming but so much fun. They truly are an amazing family. All of them. After breakfast, and after family members began to trickle out, the rest of us gathered in the living room to watch the last bit of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day
 Parade. I've never really watched all of it because I really don't have the patience for it but it was cute. It helped that I was playing with Legos with Boy and his younger twin brothers.  It was quite amusing and after awhile I realize that my creative skills tend to fall around the 0% mark when it comes to Legos. So I sat back for awhile and watched for a bit. I noticed a couple things:

1. They all sit the same way. It's quite darling actually.

Sitting on one leg with the other leg bent.

2. Boy is an excellent "booby trap" engineer. 

Booby Trap

 Anyway, it was quite an eventful afternoon and we hadn't even eaten dinner yet! We went over to his Aunt and Uncle's house and it was simply a lot of fun. Fun+Good food=One Happy Caitlin. This was the "Kids" table.

Thanksgiving Dinner Table

Tied to my glass I found a beautiful little ornament that his aunt had made. It was a gift for me!

This currently resides on my Christmas tree

After dinner we sat around and chatted about everything. Music, movies, school, where I'm from, what I'm doing at school etc. We even talked about iPhones and I decided that talking to a phone who is intelligent enough to talk back is not my cup of tea. In fact, I feel like the new iPhone 4 S is somehow plotting the world's demise...but that's a topic for another time. After we were done chatting, we helped clean up and then we sat around and sang songs. The Olsen Family is quite the talented bunch. 

Musical kiddos. It was a fun evening. 

Later we watched Miracle on 34th Street. A movie I have never seen, or remember seeing that it. I thought it was a very cute movie. Finally, after a long day of food and fun we went back to Boy's family's house and headed to bed. It was such a good day and I had had a good hair day...see?

 

Now, on Friday we had quite the little adventure. When we woke up we got ready to go up into the mountains to go Christmas Tree "hunting". Now, I've never done this before but it was a lot of fun.  It was cold but so much fun! We climbed around the mountain searching for a good tree and found one that in my mind is quite perfect. (Of course, this is not my tree but I still loved it.) On the way back down the mountain, Boy's Mom saw a little lacy Cedar that I fell in love with. So, Boy cut it down for me and now I am the proud owner of the cutest Cedar Christmas tree that you have ever seen! It makes me so very happy.

This is Boy fixing the air in his Dad's truck tires. 

When we got back, Boy began to practice his song for that evening's Christmas Program for his grandparents. I helped the twins memorize "Twas The Night Before Christmas" and then I practiced my song, O Holy Night. 

That's Boy. He plays the piano EXTREMELY WELL.

This little artistic festival was followed by some extremely fun shooting... of shotguns that is. Then we did the most amazing thing and rode the horses. Sadly, I do not have visual documentation of either one of these events because, quite frankly, having my iPhone out at every second, taking pictures was obnoxious and rather boring. I was enjoying myself too much. Anyway, before I got on my horse, Boy and his Dad took the horses around the pasture and something happened that stopped my heart and yet taught me a lesson all at the same time. So you know that saying "Get back on the horse"? Yes, well, I know it well and if he didn't before (which is doubtful) Boy definitely learned that it is the best thing to do. Boy was bucked off the horse he was riding. Not that his horse was a bad horse, he just got a little rile d up but, man oh man was that the slowest five seconds of my life. Watching Boy fly off the horse like that was scary but then something super awesome happened. He popped up off the ground and got back on his horse. So, a simply thing, right? Um, not to me. That lesson of getting back on the horse was taught to me, quite literally, by Boy and he didn't even know he was doing it. (Aside from "life lessons" Boy is actually a very good teacher.)

After riding the horses around the pasture a few times, we decided to go in and thaw before dinner. Even though I had been looking forward to riding horses and shooting guns from the moment I found out they were part of the plans, I have to say that Friday night was my favorite night of the whole entire break. 

It's tradition in Boy's family to have a Christmas Program and Prime Rib Dinner the day after Thanksgiving. They come together to kick off the Christmas season and it was the most touching, spiritual, simple gifts that anyone could have given me, to let me stay and experience that with them. 

For this Christmas Program, Boy played the song The Holy City, his grandpa's favorite song. The the twins recited "Twas the Night Before Christmas". Then I had the privilege of taking part in this program by singing O Holy Night. It is one of my favorite Christmas songs and as I sang I prayed. I prayed that I would be allowed to take with me the spirit of Christmas that everyone else had brought to the program and I thanked the Lord for allowing me to share my talent with a family who had shared so much with me and hoped that it was enough. 

After the program, we ate dinner (and more pie!) And as another part of their tradition, we watched last year's Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. Last year they featured David Archuleta and Michael York. As we listened to the songs and the stories, I couldn't help but feel the everlasting peace that comes from knowing that Jesus Christ came into the world "not to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved."-John 3:17 Christ came unto this world, not with the loud trumpeting of heavenly hosts or with fanfare and parades. He came, born of the Virgin Mary, humbly; born in a lowly manger stall surrounded  oxen and lambs. He who would suffer for me in Gethsemane, He who would be hung on a cross on Calvary, He who would rise again overcoming death; His life began humbly, quietly, peacefully in a manger. My heart filled with the overwhelming knowledge that Christ lives and loves me and that even for just a weekend, I was blessed to be able to spend a time of Thanksgiving with a wonderful family who shared their home, their talents and their love with me, a stranger. 

Christ lives and He loves you and me. That is what I am most grateful for.                                                 

My New Phone

There is a story attached to this which I will be blogging about soon but for now, say hello to my new phone, Atticus. He is an iPhone 4. 

I'm in love. :)

Avocado Turkey Wrap

1/4 avocado
1 tortilla
5-6 slices of turkey deli meat
1 laughing cow light swiss wedge (You can use cream cheese too-it's up to you!)


Spread cheese and avocado on tortilla and then place sliced turkey. Roll and heat on skillet!

Easy as 1,2,3!

This Past Sunday...

I'm obsessed with Pinterest. Who the heck isn't?! Anyway, I found some recipies that looked super yummy and because it's cold outside (and I need to cook more) I took the opportunity to make some homemade yummies. Here they are:

Chicken Noodle Soup (Crock-Pot Style)

...dinner rolls...

..and PEACH COBBLER for dessert!! (Complete with vanilla ice cream but I bought that...)

 Because Sunday was insane, Jackie and John helped me make this last one but it was DELICIOUS!!! I don't know why I don't cook more. I'm not half bad! 

I think I would've made my Momma proud!

Thankfuls

Picking up again on my alphabet "I Am Thankful For" things. So since it is November, the month of Thanksgiving (the holiday because every month really should be a month of thanksgiving) I decided to pick up where I left off and then finish out the month! YAY! Now I have something to blog about instead of sitting here watching my cursor blink while my brain goes blank. So here goes:

November 1st- "O"

"O" is for Optimists. Sometimes it is hard to remember the positive side of life. I'm really grateful for the people in my life who can kick my booty every now and then simply by smiling and saying, "You know, it's raining today but isn't it so beautiful?!" I lose sight of the positive side of life sometimes but those people, they know who they are, help me to realize that life isn't always so bad.

November 2nd- "P" 

"P" is for Patience. No, I am not exactly grateful for the process of waiting for something that I'd really like to have but I've been in a situation lately that has made me be able to see things a little more clearly. I've been able to look back on past experiences and realize that the things the Lord has made me wait for have been the things that I love and appreciate more. It's interesting to realize. Interesting and humbling. Patience is a good thing no matter how I try to fight it. 

November 3rd- "Q"

"Q" is for Questions. Obnoxious? Sometimes. Necessary? Absolutely. Can you imagine what life would be like walking around like a mindless drone? Um, no. You see, I am the kind of person who likes to know the "why". Why am I doing this? What is the purpose? If I do this, what will be the outcome? I am a planner and I think about things. I like to know what is going on basically at all times. Now, I do like surprises, I do but if it is something I can control or a personal decision, believe you me, I'll take the reigns. I am too afraid to let anybody else (but me and the Lord) dictate my life. 

Crazy, Stupid, Love II

I think I've already posted a blog titled "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and yes, I am pulling from the title of that massively awkward/delightful film that just came out this past summer. It's late and I should be in bed but I just got back from seeing that movie and I just wanted to post this:

"...When you find the one, you never give up..."

Don't. Give. Up. 

Bend As Far As You Have To, Just Don't Break.

In the words of my Father, "Just don't break. If you break the world will have to deal with TWO OF YOU!!!" No worries my dear friends, I will not break. Not only for my sanity but for yours as well.

Life lately has been a roller coaster. Being tired for two weeks straight and not feeling like I'm doing anything right has taken such a toll on me. I have been going and going and going, trying to keep up with my social life, trying to stay on top of homework, trying to be a patient roommate, trying to be a grateful daughter, trying to get enough sleep, trying to keep my body from falling apart, trying to serve as much as I can...it takes its toll.

People often ask, "How are you?" When you respond, "Okay" they seem to go into I-must-fix-this-mode. I love all of my dear friends but to be honest, sometimes you just can't help me. Sometimes I just have to fix it myself...with the help of the Lord, of course.

Don't you worry about me! I'm not going to break. In fact, I'm so much stronger than that. The Lord is on my side. I just need to ride the wave for a bit. To calm your worried hearts, here are some picture of what I've been up to lately.

The Hundred Dresses:

Please note: I am smiling in all of those pictures!!!

Musical Love :)

I'm obsessed with these songs right now. It's just plain FABULOUS!

I LOVE THESE SONGS!!

Pinterest, New Hair and 100 Dresses

This semester has been absolutely BONKERS and it's only week 3! This is fine though. I actually like that I always have something to be doing and that most of the time it has to do with my major, which is (drum roll please) STAGE MANAGEMENT! Hooray! I love it. I get to be in the Theatre 18+ hours a week and the show that I'm on the production team for is the BYU traveling troupe: Young Company. This semester we are producing The Hundred Dresses based on the book by Eleanor Estes. It is simply adorable. Everyone should go see it.

I've discovered that on one version of the Meyers-Briggs test I am a 50/50 split blue and orange which explains SO MUCH. Ridiculous I tell you. I'd explain but it would take too long. Just know that I learned a whole heck of a lot about myself. It was cool.

Now, what is Pinterest, you ask? Well! It's this fabulous little website where you can type in anything you want (just about) and you will find pictures, tutorials, how-to's, ideas, websites and other such shenanigans. I am OBSESSED! I love all the cute and easy DIY crafts I've found and can't wait to do them. ALL of them! And I've found super easy recipes that I am SUPER pumped to start making. Pinterest is fabulous and I love it.

Today I got a hair cut and dyed my hair. Nothing drastic though, I just got more shape added and I did a DIY at home hair dye job. It's still red. :) (Don't worry, Alisa!) I'm in love with the polished look and once I get a moment I will get some pics up.

Speaking of pics my roommates and I are having our annual roomie pics taken tomorrow so that will be my "BIG" post of the week possibly next week! I'm so excited. We found a good spot and our photographer is a good friend of mine and I'm so excited for her to take the pics!!

A Promise

I have promised myself that by the end of the week I will have a new blog post. (A real one, not a fake on announcing that I will have a new post soon.) It'll be big and fun. There's lots to write about!

American Heritage

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I enjoy reading about the Founding Fathers' struggle with creating an effective government or writing a constitution. I'm grateful for their sacrifices, knowing they were great and had more than just a "positive effect" on the United States and I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to live in a Nation where freedom of speech, press and religion are among other things at my disposal. However, I am NOT and I repeat NOT happy that I am forced to take a class that hides under the guise of "American Heritage" when it's proper and more correct title should be "American Politics and Why Most People Hate Learning About History." When a reading packet costs more than the textbook for a class, you know you're in trouble. Now, don't get me wrong I've enjoyed the readings so far, I really, honest to goodness, have! BUT I am struggling to see where the parallel between the readings and the lectures lies. I have to write an essay about any opinion I have on the subject of any of the following subjects.

1. Government action invariably means a loss of individual liberty.

2. When designing a government (or writing a constitution), you should never make

optimistic assumptions about human nature.

3. An individual can achieve the greatest freedom only when bound to a community.

4. Inequality is a natural condition of human society, not a reason for government

intervention.

But, of course, I can't write an essay on my true and honest opinion. I DON'T CARE! I really don't and I know that that is a sad position but I hate political arguments because no matter what, no one will ever be right! I mean, I don't like to be wrong but why in the heck would I write a paper on something that I can't prove to be right! EVER! Someone will always prove me wrong and in this ever changing world even when something is factually "right" it won't be for more than a week. (At least that is my experience with politics...Carl is probably dying right now, Alisa, make sure he doesn't get too worked up about this. ;)) I don't like debating opinion. I think it's stupid and pointless because you can't prove that one opinion is right and one is wrong (hence the definition of "opinion") in my mind it's just an excuse to argue and I think that that breeds contention and according to 3 Nephi 11:29, "...contention is not of me (God) but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another." So forgive me if I chose not to contend.

Patience.

It's really hard for me.

I hate being patient.

I'm a control freak and a perfectionist and I like to know what is going on at all times.

Unfortunately, the Lord knows that I have a problem with patience and therefore is always testing me to see if I've gotten any better.

Lately, I have been trying really hard but I think I've been scoring closer to C's than A's but I'm getting better. I'm just not doing as well as I would like to be. This is a problem because then I start to be hard on myself and then I loose the confidence to do better and start slipping in other areas of my life. It's a constant battle but I'm not backing down.

I will learn how to be more patient and to trust the Lord with my life.

He has bigger and better plans for me and I just need to trust that.

I will learn patience if it is the last thing I do!

Mash Up for a Perfect Emotion

Sometimes in life you get hurt. It happens and life goes on. I'm one of those people who finds solace in music. I love listening to music that a friend of mine calls "angry girl music" if I'm mad about the situation but then I feel bad because I know how emotions can run high and how sometimes you get caught up in something that you know can't and won't last so then I listen to the "I'm-hurt-but-I-don't-blame-you" music. But then I feel like I have every right to be upset, maybe not angry but still upset so I listen to the "I'm-going-to-be-fine-but-please-don't-talk-to-me-for-awhile" music. BUT THEN I think, "Good grief! I'm so much better than this moping crap! Put on your big girl panties and get over it!" There is a genre of music for this too. I call it the, "It's-alright-I'm-stronger-than-weakness" music.

A couple weeks ago I went through this rather emotional roller coaster ride. I don't regret it, I learned a lot from it but I wish maybe I had been a little wiser in my decision making. I also wish I had been stronger than to give myself false hope. (A mistake I don't often make...) Anyway, I've been listening to all my "relationship music genres" lately and realized that I wish I could take certain lines from a bunch of different songs to make one mega-mash-up song that could appropriately sum up all the emotions. Here is my attempt to do so.

"When you see my face hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell,"

-Gives You Hell, All-American Rejects

"So so what I'm still a rock star I've got my rock moves and I don't need you,"

-So What, Pink

"You know fairy tales don't come true, not when it comes to you,"

-Sick of You, Selena Gomez

"I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough, I'm like forget you,"

-Forget You, Cee lo Green

"Next time I'll be braver I'll be my own savior...No I won't let you close enough to hurt me,"

-Turning Tables, Adele

"Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars collecting your jar of hearts tearing love apart."

-Jar Of Hearts, Christina Perri

"I'm telling you baby, it's called Karma"

-Karma, Julie Andrew

"Nevermind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you,"

-Someone Like You, Adele

"I don't want mudslinging games, it's just a shame to let you walk away,"

-Ashes and Wine, A Fine Frenzy

"You and me always between the lines,"

-Between The Lines, Sara Bareilles

"We could've had it all rollin' in the deep,"

-Rollin' In The Deep, Adele

"How many times will it take for me to get it right?"

-Get it Right, Glee

"One of these days I'll wake up from this bad dream I'm dreaming. One of these days I'll pray that I'll be over, over, over you."

-Ghost of You, Selena Gomez

"He and I had something beautiful but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last,"

-Near to You, A Fine Frenzy

"I let you go now that I found a way to keep somehow more than a broken vow,"

-Broken Vow, Josh Groban

"One less man to pick up after, I should be happy but all I do is cry,"

-One Less Bell To Answer, Glee Cast Version

"Should've known you'd bring me heartache almost lovers always do,"

-Almost Lover, A Fine Frenzy

"The game is on again, a lover or a friend? A big thing or a small the winner takes it all,"

-The Winner Takes It All, ABBA

"Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in,"

-Because of You, Kelly Clarkson

"You paint me a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain,"

-Dear John, Taylor Swift

"You told me you loved me so why did you go away?"

-Last Kiss, Taylor Swift

"Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart,"

-Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler

"But it's been so long, it's never easy it's like trying to spin the world the other way,"

-What Can I Say, Carrie Underwood

"I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long, I'm moving on,"

-Moving On, Rascal Flatts

"It's alright I'll be fine, don't worry about this heart of mine,"

-Leave the Pieces, The Wreckers

"Now all our memories are haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye,"

-Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson

"But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you this is what I have to do,"

-Where I Stood, Missy Higgins

"Make your own kind of music sing your own special song,"

-Make Your Own Kind of Music, The Mamas & the Papas

"Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking."

-Smile, Nat King Cole

"Don't give up, because you are loved."

-Don't Give Up, Josh Groban

"There can be miracles when you believe. Though hope is frail it's hard to kill."

-When You Believe, Prince of Egypt

"Don't stop believing hold on to that feeling,"

-Don't Stop Believing, Journey

"Live like there's no tomorrow, love like it's all that we know,"

-Like There's No Tomorrow, Selena Gomez

"Hauka Matata"

-Hakuna Matata, The Lion King

"I have a dream, a song to sing, to help me cope with anything."

-I Have a Dream, ABBA

So this is definitely not a comprehensive list of songs I listen to but it works. For now.

We Called It "The Best Dam-Shirtless-Beaches Trip"

Why?

Because we passed a Dam. Made a joke about being shirtless. Went to two beaches. And enjoyed ourselves at Disneyland. I've never been to any of the Disney parks before so it was my first time and I completely enjoyed myself.

So I went to California for a little vacation. It started out with about 15 people. Only 4 of us went. Me and 3 boys: Adam, Nolan and Sean. Not going to lie, it was SO MUCH FUN! Being the only girl for once was nice. Having 5 sisters and no brothers, this was definitely a new experience and I loved every last second of it. Even the extremely long ride back to Provo.

Between The Lines

"Time to tell me the truth..."

It's hard knowing that someone is telling you only half a truth because only half of them can be honest with you. It's 100% percent of half of them and you want that to be enough but in all reality it's not.

"...to burden your mouth with what you say, no pieces of paper in the way..."

I know in this lovely world of technology, texting has become a part of relationships of all kinds. The problem with this is that there is no inflection, there is no obligation to respond to any kind of communication if there is no face-to-face confrontation. It's hard for people, like myself, who are so led and directed and in tune to their emotions.

"...'cause I can't continue, pretending to choose..."

Pretending that no matter what you decide, I'll support you and be happy for you is tiring. You know I do love and support you but being dragged out through this whole process has taken its toll on me in every way.

"...these opposite sides on which we fall, the loving you laters if at all..."

We're torn, or at least I am, between these two options that only you can decide on and I have to go along with. Maybe you think that's unfair but I don't think so. I could walk away but every time I try, you reel me back in with promises of hope and that's unfair.

"...no right minds could wrong be this many times."

Which must mean that neither one of us has a "right" mind.

Changing the pace here a little bit, how the heck is it okay in your mind to drag me along and give me hope and then not even talk to me about what you're actually thinking? I get that maybe you need time to figure your ...crap...out but then you need to tell me that. I would be more than happy to give you your space and your time but there are certain things that have been exchanged between the two of us that you can't just expect me to "know" what to do. Plus, let's just point out the very obvious fact that I am a female. What female do you know that doesn't want to know what you're thinking or what you'd prefer for her to do? Especially when emotions are involved like this.

"You and me always between the lines."

Time Management and Other Confessions of a Control Freak

Okay, so really my daily ritual isn't super important to anyone else's life but my own however, someone asked me and I thought I should blog about it. So here it is. This is what I do (or intend to do) every day. Weekends are much different...as you'll see.

Monday-Friday Morning

(Friday after 5pm differs every week)

6:30am: Wake up

6:32-6:45am: Shower

6:46-6:50am: Get dressed and towel dry my hair

6:50-7:00am: Eat a small bowl of cereal-typically Honey Nut Chex or Cheerios. And by small I mean literally 3/4 cup. :) Also during this time my hair can air dry.

7:00-7:10am: Make my lunch

7:10-7:20am: Blow dry and style my hair. (It has taken me YEARS but I finally figured out a way that I can do it in 10 minutes or less.)

7:20-7:25am: Apply my make-up. Some days it takes a little longer if I want to look extra nice but I'm pretty fast with this one.

(I give myself 5 minutes extra in the morning in case any of the afore mentioned activities take longer than planned.)

7:30am: If I'm walking this morning, I leave for work. If Maria picks me up I have another 5 minutes for touch ups. :)

7:45/7:50am: I usually get to work between this time. Sometimes earlier but NEVER after. I hate being late...

8:00am-Work begins.

Between the hours of 8am and 5pm (for the rest of the summer that is) I work. I stuff diploma covers, process transcript requests, open the office mail, send out transcripts, answer phones-and all sorts of ridiculous question that people somehow manage to conjure up, I process name changes, I process verification request, I file, I get rid of old or outdated forms, I restock forms. The list goes on but some of it would make no sense to anyone outside the office. For example: Checking edits. What?? It takes too long to explain so I'll move on...

5pm-I go home. Sometimes I walk, sometimes I get a ride from Maria. It all depends on how I'm feeling.

Between 5:15-5:25pm: I get home! By this point I'm usually to tired to do anything right away but eventually I get up.

5:45pm-Make my bed and clean my room. I know it's late in the day but there is just something so calming about a clean room.

6:00pm-Eat dinner. Sometimes. Sometimes I'm just not hungry so I have a "snack" for dinner. Like toast or an egg. But usually for dinner I have a sandwich or pasta dish of some kind. While I eat I watch TV or a movie. (Lately this has continued after I've finished eating but it's not my typical ritual)

Around 7:30pm I go out and visit my friends in the ward. Sometimes this takes the rest of the night but sometimes it doesn't. It just depends.

9:00-10:00pm-Work out. (I've been with friends every night for the past couple week so this hasn't happened. I've been thinking about doing it right when I get home but as for now 9pm is when I have it scheduled for.) My roommate Coli and I do this together. Sometimes we do Jillian Michaels work outs, sometimes we do abs and sometimes we do an 80s Hips, Buns and Thighs work out. It's FUN! Now, it never takes the whole hour because most of the work outs are only 30-40 minutes but for the other 20 mins I take the time to shower.

10:00-10:?pm: I say my prayers, read my scriptures and go to bed. I'm usually asleep every night before 11.

Like I said before, Friday after 5pm is different because I don't have to wake up early the next day. And if I do wake up early the next day, it's not to do anything where I really need my brain to do any hard or focused thinking.

Saturday

The only blessed day that I get to sleep in!

8:30-9am: Wake up

9(ish)am: Breakfast. This usally consists of a couple eggs or a small bowl of cereal.

I don't usually plan out my Saturdays. Sometimes I devote most of the day to chores like laundry or dished or vacuuming or cleaning my room or cleaning the bathroom etc. Sometimes I go shopping. Other times I sit at home and do nothing but watch TV or Movies. (Which sounds lazy but give me a break, I do a lot during the week!) I hang out with friends, go swimming, go to the park, ride my bike or whatever else my little heart fancies. Saturday is my day to do basically whatever I want to do.

Sunday

8:30am-Wake up.

Then the rest of the day is devoted to Church. I'm in meetings for church or at church or doing something related to church from 10:30am to 5:00pm, then again at 8:00pm. Occasionally I'll watch a movie after 9:00pm but mostly I just go to bed. Sundays are long and full days but I LOVE them. :)

So, there you have it whether you cared to know or not. (But if you didn't care, why did you take the time to visit my blog and read this post? Just a thought...)

As my friend and I discussed why I plan out my time like this it got me thinking. First of all I will admit that I am a control freak. There are so many events in life that can't be controlled so the things that I can control I do. Like the following: Time Management. I have my movies arranged by genre and within the genre by actor. For example in musicals I have 3 movies with Shirley Jones they are placed next to one another. (I have also created a spread sheet organizing my movies by genre, year and director.) In my closet, my clothes are arranged by color. My books are arranged by author and then by size. The list goes on. So, like I've said, I control the things I can because there are things I can't control but I think that my control freakishness may also come from overcompensation for the things that I should be able to control but that I'm awful at. Like Money Management. Gross. I hate it. I have tried to create a budget many many times and I fail at sticking to it every time. It's ridiculous. But what can I say? I'm not perfect, I'm a perfectionist and a control freak.

Just Some Thoughts...

You know how in the movies there are times when a character says, "It's been so long since I've dated...I don't even know how to anymore!" I was thinking about this today. Not with a "pity me" sort of attitude but just a very pensive one. I thought about how I feel like that sometimes. I seriously haven't dated anyone in over 2 and a half years. In fact, I haven't been on anymore than three dates. It made me worry that whenever it is that I finally do start dating again, whenever that happens to be, I'll be awkward and won't know how to just be me. I mean, it's easy to be you with yourself and I know who I am but with someone else who you want to impress but aren't trying to impress? Will it just be that easy to be myself? Thoughts?

Live In The Present...

Living in the present can be hard sometimes. We think about our future careers and families, we think about "how life will be better once I'm not swimming in student loans, when I have a better job, after I graduate in three years." But then there are moments when all you want is to stay right here, right now for as long as you possibly can. This weekend was one of those weekends. Though I didn't get much sleep and I was hardly at rest for more than 15 minutes on any given day, I learned what it was to live in the present.

Alisa and Carl graduated, I was able to go support them.

I went on a road trip with one of my bestest friends in the whole world! (Yes, I used 'bestest').

I stood under the wide-open Idaho sky and stared at the clear, sparkling stars and thought about how beautiful this world is if you just stop and look around.

I think the thing that was best about this weekend was that I was able to spend time with my best friends. Alisa and Erin. There was a conversation that we all had about connections and how we connect with certain people in deep ways. It's funny, you know? There are certain people in your life that you know will always have no matter what, no matter where we move, how close or far we live to one another, missions, internships, graduations, babies, etc. they will always be there. The three of us will definitely be friends forever.

Clearly. :)

I Love To See The Temple...

I went last night to the temple and I can't say how much I love being there. I know that the Gospel is true and that in quiet moments in the temple you can receive the peace, comfort and direction that you desire. If you can go to the temple, go. There is no greater feeling in the world than to feel his loving arms around you as you dwell there.

This is a beautiful talk. I love it. Enjoy.

Learn from the Past...

Do you ever have days that just don't go your way? Days that kind of smack you in the face and then all of a sudden you're on the ground and you don't really know all the events that led you there? Yes, I do too. Yesterday was one of them. But not for nothing. Let me explain.

There are moments in my life that I look back on and feel guilty about. I look back and think, "Thank Heavens I am not the same person." I look back and cringe at how stubborn, proud, angry and hurt I was over this particular circumstance. I look back and wish I could've changed the way I handled the situation. I think the hardest thing about it all is that it didn't just effect me. I hurt someone else in the process, someone I cared about very much...and, admittedly, still care for. But nothing comes from living in the past, only learning from it. I just hope that I'm not too late to make things better again. So, why was yesterday so hard? Because those feelings were brought back to the surface in a very blunt way. I won't go into details just know it wasn't easy to look back and see how awful I had been.

But you know what? I am so happy that I can look back on my life and say, "Thank heavens I am not the same girl I was two years ago" because in all honesty I am so much better for it. If a person can't look back on their life and see change, growth, mistakes then they haven't grown up, matured and learned much, if anything. I'm not perfect and I do have things in my past that I regret but I have learned. I have grown up, I'm still growing up. There's nothing wrong with that.

In all reality, I have changed. It's been painful and scary but I wouldn't want to be the same person I was two and a half years ago! So while learning from the past is hard sometimes, I'm so happy that I have.

So true, So true.

Praying

I don't think I've ever prayed so hard in my lifetime! AHHH!

This is very scary.

Harry Potter...Tears, Fears and Goodbyes

*This Post does in fact include spoilers from The Harry Potter Series, if you have not read the books or seen the movies and wish to keep the element of surprise, please do not continue reading.*

I just finished watching the live stream of the World Premiere of

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two. I was completely caught off guard by how emotional I was at seeing all of the actors, producers, directors, and even JK Rowling herself. Emma's "farewell" speech brought the tears to my eyes and then Rupert's sent them aflowin'. But when JK stood at that microphone and thanked everyone, me included, I lost it.

It's funny, you know? You grow up always knowing that Harry and his friends will always be there. That when you want to escape from whatever you want to escape from, you can pick up any Harry Potter book and you're immediately transported to Hogwarts and all of the adventures that Hogwarts has to offer. Now we have 7 phenomenal books of this spectacular series as well as 8 films beautifully done to bring the books to life. So, even though this is the end-as in no more "new" material will be written or filmed for our Harry-Potter-Lovin'-Hearts to look forward to as J.K. Rowling said today, "Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."

Reflecting upon my ridiculously silly emotional state, I realized why this is such a big big BIG deal to me. Some would say that this post should have been posted in 2007 when The Deathly Hallows was published. That was the real ending, no? No. not to me. By that time those of us who followed the films still had a LOT to look forward to, it still wasn't quite done. So, why am I emotional? Why does this matter? Why am I such a baby?

Because I grew up with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

When Sirius died, I cried.

When Fred died, I bawled.

When Harry got the Firebolt, I was so excited to fly with him.

When Ron saved Harry from the Dursley's in his dad's flying car, I fell in love.

When Dobby was killed by Belatrix, I was mad and sad.

I was afraid of Bellatrix.

I plotted against Umbridge.

I cheered with the other Griffindors when we won the house cup.

etc.etc.etc.

I did all of those things because I was there, transported by the words, details and descriptions that J.K. Rowling so meticulously and brilliantly crafted.

When I first picked up a copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I was 11. I literally grew up with Harry, Ron and Hermione. It's hard to believe that it's over. But only kind of over because the story, the books and Hogwarts will always be there. Harry Potter will never die. It's all around us especially now with all of the theme parks, tours, t-shirts, pictures and memories that have been born because of it.

So, if there is one thing I could say to J.K. Rowling, it would be this:

Thank you. Thank you for sharing your brilliance with the world. Harry Potter's story may be done and we may cry as we say our goodbyes and wonder what will happen in the future but Harry Potter is never, ever, gone.

Protected

I have no doubt that my life was saved by angels from Heaven just the other night.

On Friday night I was riding in a car back from Grassroots' A Midsummer Night's Dream. We had stopped at a 4 way stop and when we began to go again, and a car came flying out of NO WHERE.

We almost got hit.

We all could have seriously been hurt.

But we didn't.

I know that I am alive because of my Heavenly Father's protection. There is no doubt in my mind.

"N" is for Night

I don't like the dark.

In fact, given the choice between darkness and light I would chose the light.

But I love to sleep. And I love to sleep in the DARK. Seriously, I'm such a picky sleeper. It has to be cold and dark. That's when I sleep my best.

I am grateful fro night because at night, you can fully enjoy fireworks, you can see the stars. You can sleep...in the dark. Things are just plain slower at night. You don't have to answer the phone, you don't have to go grocery shopping-partly because most grocery stores worth going to are closed-you don't have to do laundry etc. There is so much that you do during the day that the night is so much of a relief.

So, I'm grateful for nighttime. I love it. Darkness and all.

Close your eyes...

Close your eyes, just for a moment and I'll take you somewhere special.
There is a place I know where you can sit in the big white rocking chair on the front porch, listening to the sound of the trees rustling in the wind made by the oncoming storm.
There are moments when the smell of Honeysuckle completely takes over your senses and then t in a split second the smell of rain takes charge.
The rocking chair you're sitting in makes a creaking noise as you rock back and forth and you can faintly hear the undertones of voices having a conversation just inside the house.
The wind catches on your neighbor's wooden wind chime and the hollow clacking of the wood adds to the excitement of the storm.

The warm air almost hugs you as you sit in that old rocking chair and you can't help but notice the beauty of the strikingly green grass that surrounds your house and stretches up and over the hills surrounding it.

You lean back soaking it all in.

This is Home.

My Old Kentucky Home.

We Are Family

I've had this song stuck in my head for awhile now.
Probably because the fact that last week my entire family was together under one roof.
The last time that happened was 3 years ago.
It's interesting, you know?
The oldest, Michelle, was there with her husband and 2 children.
The second, Kimberly, had a lot of insight into the world of education, both for becoming educated and being an educator.
The third, Julie, was just as wonderful as she ever is and definitely did everything in her power to have fun with her niece and nephew. "You'll never look more ridiculous than when you're trying to get a baby to laugh."-Julie
Then there's me.
Lauren just graduated high school and works two part time jobs. She works at Tinseltown, a great thing for her family (yay free movies!) and nannies for a family of our church.
Elyse, the youngest, is going to be a senior in HS this next year.

It's weird because we're all growing up and yet when we get together it's just like old times. We're all so different. We're all very much the same, too. And even though we fight and disagree (often times) I still love my sisters. We are family, after all. :)

You NEED to KNOW!

So there is this FABULOUS lady.

Her name is Jenni James.

She has re-written the Jane Austen series for young adults and not only has she kept the classic, beloved, well-known stories ALIVE, she has added twists and turns to make them her own.

I'll tell you this:
I LOVED LOVED LOVED them!
(Well, I've only read Pride & Popularity but I just KNOW they are all going to be superb.)

So you should get the book. It's available for Kindle, etc.

If you like letting go for awhile and indulging in a fabulous retelling of a classic novel, this is the book for you!

I laughed, cried, gushed, giggled, got mad and then happy again. This book is a treasure and you'll love it!!

So, now you know! But don't just take my word for it! GO! GO! Go get the book, you silly!

Enjoy!

"M" is for Music

Let's face it folks, I eat, breathe, sleep and dream the stuff.

Almost all kinds too!

Country, Pop, Oldies, Techno, Rock, (a little bit of) Punk....the list and variations go on forever.

I could sing, sing, SING all day if you'd let me!

I almost always have to have music playing or singing...lol.

I hate the question, "What is your favorite song?" Because, seriously? How do you answer that?

Which genre? What are we talking here? Love? Break-up? Pining? Happy-go-lucky? I-hate-the-world? Don't-mess-with-me-or-I'll-tear-you-to-shreds?

...WHAT?!?!

There are a few songs that I want to share with you today though. These songs in particular have pulled me out of some of my darkest days and thoughts. Or they've made me feel A BAJILLION happier than just plain ol' happy. I hope you like them to.

1. Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles

2. Big Girl (You are Beautiful), Mika

3. Hoppipolla, Sigur Ros

4. Vanilla Twilight, Owl City

5. Unforgettable & Smile, Nat King Cole

6. Enough Love, Duffy

7. Everybody's Changing, Keane

8. Faithfully & Don't Stop Believeing, Journey

9.Good Mornin' Life, Dean Martin

10. You Are Loved, Josh Groban

11. Firework, Katy Perry

12. Fallin' For You, Colbie Caillat

....haha, and that's just to name A FEW!

"L" is for Love, Laughter and Life

Have you ever had a day that was just plain miserable? Like nothing would go right no matter how much you tried or how long you kept your chin up? Yeah, ME TOO!

The good thing about those crappy days is that there is always a remedy.
Laughter & Love.

You can never have too much laughter fill your soul and love surround and envelope you. It makes living life worth it. I for one am grateful that I have a roommate who can make me laugh so hard that I almost "pee my pants". Just yesterday a picture make me laugh so hard I cried! And lately I've been watching a show called Dr. Who and I'll tell you this, it is pure and genuine humor! I just love it.

As for "Love". Well, let's face it. I LOVE TO LOVE! I know some people believe that the more you say "I love you" the less it means. I am NOT one of those people. I believe that if you say it and you mean it, those words can change a person. Physically change them. It's like a band-aid to the scraped up soul. When someone tells me that they love me, and they mean it, I know that life is better just because I am loved. I never want anyone to ever question if I care about them or love them so I will always, ALWAYS, say it.

One of my favorite songs is "You Are Loved" by Josh Groban which you can listen to here.

Now for "Life"
Life is beautiful. It really truly is. I LOVE LIFE! Even the bumpy, scary, unhappy, painful parts. There is so much worth living for and there is so much to be seen!