Crazy Jealous.

And I don't like it! I mean, yeah jealousy is a natural tendency but this is just ridiculous.
How can I explain this without it seeming like something...more? Let me give it a shot...
Okay so, I have never felt so...possessive? Is that a good enough word? Sure...possessive over anyone or anything as my best friend. Who happens to be a BOY! (Insert *gasp* here!) Whatever. Anyway, today I ran across a picture that when I saw it I wanted to puke. It was so weird. I couldn't believe myself. In fact, I reprimanded myself for it. It wasn't even one of his pictures! It was a cartoon picture that his sister had "tagged" on Facebook. An animation of the Twilight characters...those that have "significant others". Yeah, well, she had tagged him as one guy and some girl, whom I don't know, who is probably a very nice, pretty and smart girl, as the match to that guy. Yeah, okay, so I'm ridiculous, you don't have to tell me, I already know, but when I saw that I got..uncomfortable! HOW SILLY! I seriously am laughing at myself right now but the sad part about it is that I'm laughing because I still feel not right about it! Great, right?
Never before have I ever EVER felt so insanely jealous. And for what? A NAME! HA! I'm actually shocked with myself. It's a bizarre feeling but what can I do? It won't go away. So silly..so silly.

The Manti Temple

Temples are wonderful things. I can't explain how grateful I am for them! This morning my ward (The BYU 73rd Ward) was privileged to take a trip to the Manti Temple. Let me tell you what! That temple is so beautiful. So unique from any other temple I've been inside of. Granted I've only been inside of the Baptistery in any given temple but it was so beautiful! SO BEAUTIFUL! I loved it. It was definately an explerience to hold onto. Anyway, I wanted to post some pictures of my trip. I love the temples.
Speaking of temples, I was able to see the Draper Temple Dedication last Sunday in the Marriot Center which was amazing. During the Hosanna Shout everything was WHITE. There was just such a sweet spirit there...I loved it so much.
The Manti Temple is temple number six that I have been to. My goal is at least 50...we'll see what happens!

Lead Me Through

I'm standing at a crossroads
Not sure which path to choose
I feel so lost and tired
Can't see beyond my place

Then suddenly I know
I never am alone
So I kneel and pray to you

Take my hand
And walk this road beside me
Take the lead
When darkness clouds my view
Father, I've put all my trust in you
Lead me through
Lead me through

When life has overcome me
And I am filled with fear
My heart begins to break
And tears begin to fall

Then suddenly I know
I never am alone
So I kneel and pray to you

Take my hand
And walk this road beside me
Take the lead
When darkness clouds my view
Father, I've put all my trust in you
Lead me through
Lead me through

Take my hand
And help me find thy light
Take the lead
And guide me safely home
Father, I've put all my trust in you

I know if I am true
You'll lead me safely home

Lead me through
Lead me through

It was in my head one night and wouldn't let me sleep until it was all written down. I fixed it during church the next day.

What A Weekend!

It was pretty wonderful. Friday night I wore myself out. It was great. Here I'll give you the low down...
Friday:I got up at 7:00am to get to my 8:00 class on time. Which I ALWAYS get there on time. The lecture, however, wasn't all that exciting. But anyway, I got home, took about a 30 minute snoozer and when I got up I cleaned the apartment a bit, made my bed and ate some breakfast. A little later I went to Wally World with a couple of wonderful friends and we got pedicures. It was GREAT! Then we went to lunch at this place called Rumbi. YUM! Then I came home and took another little snoozer but it really was only about 5 minutes. Later that evening I ate some dinner and then I went Classic Skating with my ward which was at 10:00p.m. Yeah, kind of late BUT it was SOOO much fun. I even won this little glowy thingy...Anyway, we got back around 12:30a.m. and my roomie, who is usually pretty calm and collected, was BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS! I mean literally CRAZY. Bad case of Pizza and Kool-Aid mixture. I mean so bad it was fatal. The proof is in the pictures. Anyway, we decided that a dance party was appropriate...so my roomies and I all danced until 2. It was crazy! Crazy FUN! lol. Oooh. College.
Saturday:I woke up around 11:00 to an empty apartment. I was so out of it from the night/morning before. Needless to say my legs were sending serious hate vibes through the rest of me. But I got up, took a shower and got ready for the day. I ate and did a little bit of facecbooking and kinda just lazied around until about 1:20ish when me and my roomate went to the International Cinema up on campus. FREE MOVIES! Yeah, it's pretty fabulous. We saw Henry Poole Was Here...it's really good. Different but good. So then I came home and started writing a bit of my book. Well, I was interrupted by a call from Karlan who was trying to get all the date details together. Sadly I left my book and started really cleaning the apartment. Fun. Fast Forward to the date...Okay so my roomie's soon to be sister-in-law set us up. The guy I went on a date with...his name was Tarren. I think that's how you spell it. Anyway, it was fun. We all made pizzas. We went to the store and bought topping that we wanted. Tarren and I got hashbrowns, sausage and alfredo sauce. It was surprisingly tasty. OH! We also had honey roasted peanuts on top. Yum. It was different but YUMMY! Anywho, then the four couples played 'Get to know you Uno." Red-You tell an embarrassing moment Blue-Something you don't like Yellow-Something you DO like Green-Random. You play just like regular uno except when you discard you tell whatever you have to according to the color of the card you discarded. Draw 2 or 4 means that the person who has to pick up cards tells that number of whatever the draw color was. It's really a fun game. Then we all chatted for a little and decided to play Sardines. I basically won. lol. After that the date was over. It was a fun night but I probably wouldn't go on a second date with the guy. He just wasn't my type.
Sunday: Woke up, got ready for church, went to church, came home, went to the Draper Temple Dedication in the Marriot center which is just about the coolest thing to witness. You can see everyone! So when we were doing the Hosanna shout, everything was white. IT WAS SO COOL! It really was just an awesome thing to see. I wish everyone could have been there. After that I came home, made some rolls and went to a little pot luck dinner my roomies had with some friends. Good food is never a bad time. lol. Then choir, and ward prayer. Then bed.
So that was my weekend. Very very cool.

Super Fun Weekend!

For the first time since coming to BYU I have a non-stop flight of FUN for the weekend. Tonight we're having a ward party. We're going to a skating rink and eating pizza. Basically a fifth grade birthday party! I am so excited to just have some fun! Saturday (tomorrow) I am possibly going up the canyon with some friends to have a picnic then returning home to go see a movie with my roomie! What's so amazing about this movie is that it is free! YAY BYU! The International Cinema has pretty much been amazing. We're going to see "Henry Poole Is Here." So excited. THEN I'm going to come home and get ready for my FIRST EVER blind date! FIRST EVER! Did I mention that?! SO COOL! Anyway, so after what I know will be a most amazing date, I'll probably come home and go to bed. lol. That's going to be awesome too considering that i haven't had much sleep lately...darn headaches...uhg.
Anyway, then Sunday is Sunday. Church, home, chill, dinner, Choir Practice, Ward Prayer, Honey Pot Notes and then chill some some back at home. This is where a sigh of happiness is most appropriate! I am SO excited.
Next week shouldn't be bad either. I get my last paycheck from Sonic-YAY and class and....yeah, the usual but it's going to be a great week. How can you have a horrible week after such an amazing weekend-which I KNOW this will be!
Have I mentioned I'm really excited?!

Think...Think...Think...

My head hurts. I CAN'T even think! It is times like these that I am extremely grateful that I haven't procrastinated my homework.


Uhg...I have a headache.

"Something Is Not Right!"

Have there ever been times where you just knew something was...off. That something in the cosmos was throwing everything off balance but you had no proof? You could just feel it...that the storm was coming...not unlike a cat.
Well, that's how I feel.
I'm not sure what it is and maybe it's just me being ridiculous but I can't shake the feeling that something...hmm...it's kind of like how Miss Clavel from Madeline always knows "Something is not right!" Even when she has no proof. Call me Miss Clavel. Only I wish I could just run up the stairs to fix the problem. But I don't even know where to go. What to do.
Again I'll say that I have no proof, just sheer instinct. It's eating away at me and it has been for the past few weeks. The silly thing is that I don't have any issues with anyone.
I've ironed things out with...someone I had a miscommunication with, I have no problems with my roomies, I'm a little irked with my younger sister but she's halfway across the country right now so no big deal, I am totally cool with my class, my sisters who live here are fine...It's mind boggling.
It almost feels like it's someone else who has a problem with me but...who? And why? Granted...I'm not perfect and someone could easily have a problem with me but who? If it's someone I love and who loves me, why wouldn't they have just confronted me about it? Because I've felt this way for about an entire week. I think that's plenty of time...right?
You see, I'm not the kind of person who gets ticked just because someone confronts me about something and I don't like it. No, I am 95% of the time completely calm and willing to work on whatever it is, if I can help it. What irritates me is when someone waits. What makes that worse is tha, inevitably, like all of us, we HAVE to talk to SOMEONE. Sadly, too many of us talk to the wrong someone. We don't want to offend anyone, we don't want to create a big dramatic mess, I know I usually just want it all to go away. But that's not how it works. We get scared so we talk to other people when the person we SHOULD be talking to...well...we don't until it's been a week or two.
So many issues could be solved with communication. I'm a FIRM believer in that. The thing that sucks about all of this? I don't really KNOW if someone has a problem. Something just feels wrong. I would love for this to all be in my head, but then again, there's a bigger stronger part of me that knows SOMETHING is up...and I may be the last to know which is the worst.

When You Spoke The Name That Angels Seemed To Whisper...

It's true. Anytime I have a problem, music becomes my therapy. Happy music for when I feel like dancing or that, for the moment, life has shown a glimpse of perfection. Mellow music for when I need to take a chill pill and realize that I'm not perfect but that doesn't mean I can't want to be. Rock-ish music for when I just feel crazy and need to let some kind of frustration go. All kinds of music! Music is my therapy.
Music is also a passion in the sense that when I sing, when I perform, I get to immerse myself in lyrics and passion and help the audience to realize that the song I'm singing isn't just a song. It's an emotion, it's an exclamation, it's an adventure.
My favorite songs to sing are from musicals. That may sound silly but I think it's because there is almost always a history behind that song. For example, the Dulcinea reprise from Man of La Mancha is so powerful. Aldonza grows from a girl who had no idea what her potential was to a woman who faces her grim circumstances and recognizes that she can be better than what she thought she was meant to be.
I can't explain the emotion that I felt, that I feel, when I sing that song. Maybe I'm the only one who has ever been overcome with emotion when singing that song but for some reason it means so much to me. It's short but powerful and I want to post the lyrics for you all. If you ever have a chance to see that musical, I wouldn't suggest taking little children, it's a bit dark in ways, but you should see it. There is this indescribable feeling you can get from it, it almost makes you feel invincible. AND if you have time to google it, do it! Listen to it! To get the full effect I would listen to the whole thing. But, a word of caution, don't go rent the movie version of it...it STINKS! It almost defiles the story...the movie is crappy really. Anyway, here is the reprise:

ALDONZA:

Dulcinea... Dulcinea...
Once you found a girl
And called her Dulcinea,
When you spoke the name
An angel seemed to whisper...
Dulcinea... Dulcinea...

Dulcinea... Dulcinea...
Won't you please bring back
The dream of Dulcinea...
Won't you bring me back
The bright and shining glory
Of Dulcinea... Dulcinea...

Stupid Groundhog...

I take it back.

He wasn't wrong.

It snowed today.

Not that I mind snow most of the time.

I'm just getting a little sick of it.

I WANT SPRING!

Yeah, That Groundhog? He Was WRONG!

It has been stunningly beautiful here in Provo, Utah. We're talking sunny with a slight breeze with a high in the mid 60s. Gorgeous.
I didn't have to work today and because I wasn't stuck inside making Cherry Limeades and Root Beer Floats, I was able to take a book, sit on my porch and read. It felt so wonderful to just sit there and relax. Nothing, and I mean nothing, interrupted me. Do you know how great that feels? Even though it was only for about an hour, I still just got to sit there and feel the breeze and read my book and listen to the one or two birds who have confidently returned from their winter vacations to the south.
At one point I closed my eyes and let my body soak in the lovely goodness of the day. I started to think about how we, as human beings, caught up in a world heavily influenced by electronic toys and mechanic gadgets, forget so easily the things that we here even before we were.
The Mountains. The trees. The air. The Birds. The smell that only comes after a rain shower. The Sunshine!
Even though everything is still pretty much dead, the sun is shining and it's warm enough that my roommates and I don't find it necessary to close the apartment door. (While we're there at least.) Therefore I believe that that silly little Groundhog, who "predicts" the winter forecast every February 2nd, was either playing a joke on "the unsuspecting humans" or just flat out wrong. Either way, today was beautiful. The end.