I Never Stay Up This Late

It's 3:00 am. I cannot honestly tell you the last time I stayed up this long. Although I could tell you without a doubt that the last time I did stay up this long it was by choice. Tonight is much different.
Without going into much detail at all (sorry) I've experienced some things tonight that I've experienced before but never to this degree. The energy that this situation completely drained from my body is down right ridiculous and yet it's bothering me so much that I can't even sleep. Something you should know is that for the past couple months I've gone to bed no later than 11:00p.m.! School and work keep me busy and so I keep myself rested, I hate being tired all day just because I stayed up all night doing nothing the night before.
This is silly, I know what's bothering me but I can't do anything about it. Really. The only thing I can do is let it pass. Patience, I know but I feel that if someone wants something they should go out and get it! I've always believed that if you can do something for yourself then no one, not one other person, should do it for you. Now, I know that doesn't mean that just because you want something and work to get it, that you'll get it right away. Unfortunately, a part of me still won't accept that. If I'm working for something I don't want to have to wait weeks or months, I want to be able to see, maybe even just a little, some progress. It's like a painting, Start with a blank canvas, then you add one color and another and another, up close they just look like paint blobs but if you back up the painting is the beautiful French countryside. Not until the painting is finished does one see that beauty, BUT the painter still gets to see bit by bit how he's creating his masterpiece. I feel like I'm painting with invisible paint.

On a more interesting and less complaisant note, I went to the temple today. It felt really good to be in there. But the cool story is this; I was sitting in the confirmation room and there was a girl who went before me who had the last name, Shumway. My curiosity perked up and I wondered whether we were related. You see, if you go back far enough on my family tree I am related to a man named Charles Shumway. After all the confirmations were completed and we were leaving the room I turned and asked her if she knew if she was related to Charles Shumway. She said yes and I automatically said, "We are related my friend!" It was the coolest thing EVER! She smiled and said, "My name is Haley. Look me up on Facebook!" That was the first time I'd ever had anyone ask me to look them up on Facebook at the temple. It was cool.

Well, I believe that I am all out of things to write. I probably won't sleep for awhile but I'll figure out something. That's life for you, I guess.

The Office Just Gave Me A Life Lesson...

Today at work I received a call at work which wasn't so pleasant. In fact, I felt like I would cry when I hung up the phone. Luckily I have coworkers who Facebook stalk me and saw that my status said I needed hugs. They basically surrounded me and enveloped me in love. It was great. Caitlyn and Julia? You guys rock.
My day did indeed get better after that. I took a trip over to the Wilk. where I usually go on Thursdays between work and my Physical Science lab. (Eat a snack and call my mom...yeah) Anyway, I went into the bathroom to wash my hands and this girl, whom I don't know, turned to me and said....and I quote, "Girl, yo outfit looks kickin'. You look good!" and then she left. I felt about 20 times better. Then when I got to my lab a girl in my group said, "Do you know that you are the classiest dresser? Really you look so great all the time!" Add another 20 times better. Then when I got home, my roommate, Jackie, got up and gave me a big hug. :) Then when I went next door for a visit, I was given a big bowl of home-made potato soup. YUM! SO GOOD. Again, add another 20 times better.
So now I'm feeling better.
Moving on...
I'm just now watching "The Office" with my roommates, one of our many bonding activities, and Jim (Oh, Jim) said something that made me think. I won't write what he said but it made me step back and realize that patience is the best policy. Yes. I am a happy camper. Just thought I'd put that out there for everyone to know. :)

Three Hour Naps and Warm Fuzzies

I'm sick. Nothing drastic, just your basic cold. (Which as of late has been effecting my ability to spell correctly. I discovered this while trying to send text messages to my sister last night and ended up sending almost 1/2 of them to someone else....yeah, embarrassing.) Runny nose, head hurts, chills every now and then, watery tired eyes...you know. A cold.
Well, I am forever indebted to some lovely and amazing girls (other than my roommates) who live in K3. Mary, Kate, Anna and Biz. Seriously, my heart is happy just thinking about them. They made me Cinnamon Rolls and came to visit me yesterday. As I pathetically laid there on the couch, Kate baked the rolls, Biz rubbed my feet and Mary smiled so big that I forgot I was sick...until I started coughing and sneezing all over the place. (Not really, I cover my mouth) Anyway, their selfless service and excessive coddling made me feel like a million bucks. Although, I'm sure I didn't look it.
Another little warm fuzzy in my life is a new friend. A few actually. All of whom have accepted me despite my faults and imperfections. I was able, for the first time in a long time, to just sing with one of these new friends. Many people don't understand my therapy...singing. Sure, people enjoy doing it or listening to music but it's how I get through just about everything. I'm grateful for Jared's willingness to come sing with me. I still don't think he knows just how much it meant to me and how grateful I am for his putting off homework for it. So, Jared, if you're reading this, thank you. A lot.
Today was a new day. Having been rejuvenated by General Conference (which totally rocked by the way) and a singing session, I was spiritually ready for anything. My body? Not so much. I'm still sick. But that's life I guess. I tried going to work and eventually just went home. A-I thought I was going to pass out & B-I didn't want to be responsible for getting anyone else sick. So I came home, got into a nice comfy outfit and crashed. Three hours later I woke up, still feeling sick but better.
So yeah, that's my update. :)

Without a Song or a Dance What Are We?

Do you ever feel like you're trapped between logic and emotion? I find myself stuck, hands tied, feet chained, almost every time I try something...oh I don't know, future related? Yes, that seems to be it. The scariest thing is that I'm a planner. I plan what I'm going to wear and eat. I plan what classes I expect to be taking a few semesters in advance. I own a planner and it is very full of organizational...things. LOL.
Though I'm an organized person, I can never seem to store enough emotional back up for those rainy days, which come and completely shut me down. I'm just never prepared for the complete shut down that courses through me. So I go into my "shell", cracked and falling apart though it may be.
My escape, however, is singing. The one thing I've never let myself fail in. Ha, I'm not perfect, no. I just feel that singing is the only thing I have, the only link, to hold me to reality. It's the only life line I have sometimes. Yet, recently, I've had this...hole. A nagging of sorts, like I'm not doing it enough, though I do it almost everyday. It's almost as though there is another part missing. I love singing duets but I'm just fine singing solo...usually. Lately, my melody just seems so...blah. (Which is why I'm excited for Conference tomorrow and Sunday.)
Anyway, I'm not sure what the purpose of this was really. Feel free to pick it apart if so desire. Meanwhile Ill be singing and dancing solo, in the spotlight, enjoying it but going crazy trying to figure out what it is that's missing.

P.S.-If you find it, please let me know.