Please Don't Ask Me The Following

There are some questions that I just do not appreciate in regards to my upcoming marriage. Now, I understand that many if not all of them are simply conversation starters for people to talk about the wedding. However, if the individual asking the question would think about the question before asking it, they might come to realize that it may not be an appropriate question. The following are questions that I have been asked and the reasons I despise, hearing them.

1. "Are you sure you want to do this? It's not too late to back out, you know."
Why in the world would you even ask this question? Especially those of the LDS faith. No, just think about it for a second. What does this question do to promote the act of marriage? Nothing. It only fosters (potentially) feelings of doubt and insecurity and doesn't the opposition do that to us enough? Isn't marriage such a crucial part of our Heavenly Father's plan for us that we get tried and tested by the adversary enough? How does this question make sense if you are excited or supportive of a couple? It doesn't. Even if this question is asked in jest...why? Why even ask a question that Satan started asking since day one? How is that okay? On the same note, it also implies that there may potentially be something wrong with one of the individuals. Please, please, please, don't ask people this question. It's insensitive and to me it's just plain rude.

2. "Are you excited?"
No. Nope. Not at all. Why would I be excited about such an amazing step in my life that I am blessed to get to take with my best friend? What the...? I'm sad that this needs explaining but apparently it does. Now, I don't dislike this question as much as #1 but boy oh boy does this question get under my skin. OF COURSE I'M EXCITED!!!! Gees louise! I know this is a conversation starter but I think it's safe to say, especially when all of my Facebook/Twitter/Blog posts are all about how excited I am, that I am indeed excited. (Almost 90% of the people who ask me this question follow me using social media, I know because they comment, like, or retweet!!) If you thought about this question a little more, you would realize that it's a silly question to ask because the answer is obvious.

3. So when do you think you'll start having kids?
I'm not a goat so I will never have a kid. That is what I want to say to people who ask this question, "NEVER!" (How's that for stubborn and proud?) Of course I want to have children but there is a problem with this question. First of all, I'M NOT EVEN MARRIED YET! BACK OFF! Second, some of you may not know but I have medical issues that may make it extremely hard to get pregnant. The question about having children is no one's concern. Not my parent's or Neil's. Not sisters or brothers. Not employers or even well intentioned visiting teachers. It is between me, Neil and the Lord. I do not need to run my "Baby making schedule" by ANYONE not that I even HAVE one. Sheesh! Third, I am still in school and while it may have been right for some individuals to drop out of school to begin to raise a family, that is not what Neil and I have planned for our family. Please let us build our family how and when the Lord is guiding us to.

4. "Are you stressed out?"
Should I be? I mean, yeah, having all of two families together with little sleep and high anxiety and excitement, people can crack a bit, say things they don't mean or just be a little...testy. But why is it that everyone thinks that being so stressed out I can't eat, think, breathe or sleep is crucial to the days leading up to my marriage? It's not a mandatory ingredient, folks! In fact, it's highly unwanted and very realistically kicked out of the recipe for a happy wedding day/week. Don't fool yourselves, kiddos. Being "stressed out" isn't a good thing and I have love and support from all angles that if I do get a little bit nervous about how something is planned to happen, they are right there to make sure it all turns out right. PLUS, being "stressed out" implies that "everything must be perfect". Well, my recipe for perfection includes me, the temple and the Lord. That's it. Everything else is happiness and joy and fun but, like stress, also not imperative to a happy wedding day/week. You chose your attitude. Though I am not perfect, I am trying my best to be grateful, humble and happy. Stress is not a factor.

5. "So, are you scared about...you know?"
Okay, first of all, when this comes from someone who is not my mother or close friend (i.e. a VERY SMALL handful of people) I kind of want to vomit. Not because I'm scared but because if I have never shared those kind of details with you before what in heaven's name makes you think I'm gonna start now? About this? Nervous? Sure! I've never participated in those actions that only a man and his wife should participate in. I've never been married so this makes sense. I'd be worried if I wasn't a little nervous but scared? No. When you find someone you love as much as Neil and I love each other, and you are willing to make commitments to each other for eternity, not just until death, there is a very special bond that is created. One of trust, love and security. I am not scared and I am a little grossed out that you feel that you are privileged to even ask this question. Also, we ALL know what happens on a wedding night. Please, don't degrade such a sacred, beautiful and awesome thing by acting like a five year old and snickering at me like I have no clue what is going to happen. Thank you.

6. Just a quick note, don't tell me to "calm down" or "not worry". Usually when these statements occur it is because the individual saying it is the individual whom is worried or not calm. It is a common psychological practice that we project our emotions onto others so as to "lift" the burden from our own shoulders. I've had my moments of irritation and panic but they have been moments that I have been able to reign back to normalcy. I feel as though I have been relatively calm and collected throughout this process so please, if you feel the need to say those two phrases first ask yourself if YOU need to calm down or stop worrying. Once YOU have, if you feel that I am in need of reproof then go ahead. I may not respond as kindly as some people would but like I said, I'm not perfect and I am working on it.

I know this was a rant, I'm not typically a ranter but today was the straw that broke the camel's back and she went to her blog to write about it.

I have listed a few questions that I feel are loving, heartfelt, encouraging and supportive questions/comments/conversation starters:

1. You guys make a really cute couple. I am so happy for you.
2. Hey! The big day is coming up! Congratulations again.
3. This part of life is so much fun, I'm so excited for you.
4. If you want any help or advise I'm more than willing to help/advise!
5. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and a great life together.
6. You guys will have cute kids whenever you decide to have them! (This was an actual comment. I love it.)
7. This union pleases me greatly. (Also, another actual comment made.)
8. You two work really well together, I think you'll learn a lot from each other.

So there you go. Also, just in case you are wondering what my response is to the previous questions that I despise so greatly, here they are (even though I've already stated them.)

I am positive that I want nothing more than to be sealed to Neil for time and all eternity. I know the implications of this and couldn't be more sure. I am SO EXCITED and really so very happy. We'll start building our family when the Lord sees fit for us to. I feel pretty calm, I do have my moments but overall, I'm perfectly fine. I'm not scared. I am excited and so grateful that I love Neil so much that I am excited! And HE LOVES ME TOO!

Anyway, hope you maybe learned a little something about me by reading this. Feel free to tell me what you think!