If you've been on my Facebook in the last couple of days, you'll have seen that I
re-posted this article.
I admit that my comment on my re-post was a bit dramatic. The whole "natural" thing being shoved down my throat, I mean. Perhaps I should clarify by telling you two short stories (immensely "cliff noted") that will help you understand why I feel as though my throat has been violated. ;)
Story 1: A few friends and I were out to dinner at a rather cozy restaurant. Next to us, at a small table a young lady informed her companions that she would be having a baby. Exciting, right? Of course! But then her mother? aunt? hopped right in and asked how she would deliver. When her reply was, "I'm not sure yet, I need to read some more," the mother/aunt lady quickly informed her that natural was the only way to ensure a healthy baby and that everyone in the family did it that way so she shouldn't go against their wishes. (They continued to have a semi-quiet debate about doctors' impotence, children's future, medical bills etc.)
Hmm. Okay, I don't know this family and maybe they have really good luck with natural births. But something I didn't appreciate (again, it didn't happen to me so I'm projecting emotions, I realize this) was that this young lady didn't even give a definitive answer and showed that it was something to her that was worth the researching. A very diplomatic answer that received a very close minded (or maybe just passionate) answer. Perhaps her mother/aunt could have said, "Well, if you'd like some good research on Natural Birth, I can help you out." Why would that have been so wrong?
Story 2: This did happen to me, and I work at BYU, the ever dynamic BYU, and even though I love my school and the people, there are some individuals who take things too far and believe that if they don't say something, their fellow saints may fall off the straight and narrow. I have actually learned to take abrasive comments with gratitude because I realize that most of these people are genuinely concerned about me, even if their comments are...awkward? Rude?
I was helping a very brand new mother at the window (she was picking up documents for insurance purposes or something along those lines). Because I am curious and have begun my own research and study into natural vs. not, I politely (I hope I was polite, anyway) asked how she delivered. She kind of lit up and told me all about her hospital, OBGYN aided, epidural birth. She said, and I quote, "I waited as long as I could and before it was too late to take the epidural. I wanted to see if maybe I'd be able to go without it but I decided, in the end, to take it." (I did ask about this particular part of the experience, she didn't just give it freely.) I thought that was pretty cool. She wanted to try but didn't have any issues with taking the epidural. She wasn't scared into an epidural or pressured into a natural labor. She chose. Cool. Before she left she said, "If I can give you any advice it would be this, research, study, make a choice and then pray. The Lord will help you decide what is right for you and give you the strength to do it." She left and I was super excited to continue my own research. There was a pregnant young lady-can't escape 'em, I love it though- standing behind her in line and she came up to the window. I proceeded to help her. She asked me if she could give me her advice on having a baby. Of course!! And then this, "You may think that epidurals are okay but it's poison. God didn't give meds to Eve so no real woman would think that it was okay to take them."
She wasn't saying any of this in a rude manner, so to speak, just very matter-of-factly and I like to think that she was just very passionate about it rather than wanting to judge any and every woman who ever had an epidural but that kind of stuck with me. And also kind of crushed my enthusiasm for researching. Before I move on though I do want to say this. The Eve comment she made...I know plenty of women who say "How many years in this world did women bear naturally?" And that encourages them to do it too! KUDOS! I think that's amazing but I also find modern medicine amazing. I have many health problems that, if I lived 100+ years ago, I would not have the same opportunity at life. So, Eve did it and you want to too? SO COOL but please don't knock modern medicines or at least the people who use them. Cancer has existed for a long too but modern medicines have aided people's chances at life. (Haha, I just compared cancer to pregnancy...)
Please, take a moment with me to stop and think. I understand that these were very different situations, very extreme cases but hear me out. I, Caitlin, who has never had a baby and am not yet pregnant but who is planning on having children and researching my options, do not yet felt that I have found "the way" for me in regards to child labor. Is that wrong? No, it's not because I'm still piecing to together the puzzles. But you want to know what I have found so far? Neither way is perfect. Neither way ensures the baby's safest delivery. There are pros and cons to both. I've also learned that I know a great many deal of people who want to go natural and those who don't. Out of those many people, I only know a couple (from opposing views actually-and they have told me straight out) that are not okay with the opposite view. Which, I understand. They don't have to be okay with it for them but, truth be told, it is okay for many many other people.
I realize that I read and understood the article, perhaps, differently than others. I sincerely apologize if by posting that article and sharing my opinion offended or hurt you or made you think I was judging you. I hope that this post has maybe cleared up my hastily written opinion. In summary, I have no strong opinions regarding which type of labor is right for me and I'm not unlearned enough to think that one way is "right" and the other is not-as I've said I see pros and cons to both- but I do have a strong opinion about judging those who have made their decision. As it is with when and how many children you decide to have, the decision belongs to the Husband, Wife and God. Everybody else just needs to butt out and chill out. Stop judging, plain and simple.
Please feel free to leave a comment expressing your ideas and passions just be aware that if any judgements-no matter how small-are made against people (in general or not) from either opinion or if a rude debate ensues, your comment(s) will be removed. This is a no judging zone, please. If you have some simple and kind advice OR places that I could go or books that I could read for some research PLEASE leave me the details. I would love to make a most educated decision for my someday pregnancies/deliveries.
I wasn't offended; even by the other comments. I just relate completely to that article! I know what its like to be on the wrong end of a judgment regarding my parenting decisions; I know how it feels to be told I'm a bad mom. And yes, someone ACTUALLY DID say those words to me. What works smoothly and miraculously for some DOES NOT work for others. As your sister, I'm here for advice when the time warrants it, IF you want it. But I'm only one of MANY examples. Even with just me, I have two VERY DIFFERENT birth stories. It basically comes down to instinct and spiritual guidance. yes even that can come VERY quickly in highly emotional situation like childbirth.
ReplyDeleteI also want to say that, in my opinion, there can be a "danger" in being too educated about options. I feel if I do too much "research" (no matter the resources) I can get scared and more confused, therefore drowning out the instinct or spiritual revelation. Being a parent isn't easy; being a pregnant woman isn't easy. Find a doctor or doctors that you feel comfortable with and that you trust. I'm lucky enough to have a pediatrician and an OB/GYN that I trust explicitly. maybe 2% of the time I don't agree with them, but in my gut I know what they're saying is right. Again, instinct and personal revelation, if you will.
And just to put my two cents in; all medical doctors may not be religious or spiritual, BUT I DO BELIEVE that in one way or another, those who discover cures, or medicines or treatments ARE INSPIRED BY A HIGHER POWER for a REASON! Okay so there have been centuries where women have delivered "naturally." My response to that argument is, How many of those mamas and babies died because of complications of any sort?
I could go on and on. I'd love to chat with you more about this if you have time and want to call me. :)
The epidural vs. no epidural debate is just another one of those things that as a mom, you're probably doing wrong according to everyone else. Birthing and raising children is such a heated debate because we all care so much about our kids. It's an especially heated argument in the Utah culture, because we're all taught that our purpose as women is to raise righteous stripling warriors. It's easy as a mom to conceal my insecurities about not knowing what I'm doing by projecting them onto that "horrible" mom who I just met at the playground and criticizing everything she does different than I do. But you know what? We all want the same things for our kids, despite the juxtaposing ways in which we are birthing and raising them. We all want physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy kids to grow up as successful adults. I think that if we, as women, were to embrace each other instead of constantly tear each other down about petty differences, that all of our kids might grow up in a happier world. Your kid watches how you treat others and repeats. I hope that my daughter sees me as the kind of mom who uplifts and embraces other women. Not the kind that dabbles in petty squabbles and drama over how others live their lives. /rant
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Caitlin! I tried natural then was induced and had to get an epidural. I say do whatever makes the experience enjoyable for you. Bringing a baby into this world is so special and each birth story is tailored to each woman's individual needs. Who are we to say what's right or not?
ReplyDeleteLike you said, it's important to be educated when approaching pregnancy/labor (or anything, really). I looked into Hypnobirthing before I had Arilyn. It helped, but I also read a book called "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" and liked it even more. It talks more about our mental/emotional/physical connection. I think it can be applied to more than just labor, too. Thanks for sharing your opinion!
I think the heat about this topic comes up because we all want to be good moms and make good choices for our kids. Even when some moms choose differently then we do, I think it's safe to say that the majority is truly doing what they feel is right. I mentioned it before, and others have said so too, but being educated about the choices available is so important. Obtaining knowledge gives us the power to exercise our free agency. Without putting in the effort to make an informed decision, we also forfeit the ability to choose for ourselves (or I guess that the choice was made in the beginning in not doing any research and thus allowing others to make those choices for us). So I think it's great that you are looking into this whole pregnancy, birthing, parenting thing. I also enjoyed and recommend the Hypnobirthing and Ina May's books.
ReplyDeleteNow, since you invited comments, I want to share a little bit more. (Oh heavens, here I go again). One huge reason I planned for a natural birth (but not the only reason, I could go on and on if you ever want!) is because I broke my back years ago and have rods and screws in it, so getting an epidural wasn't an option. If I wasn't prepared for a natural birth, I'd have to opt for a c-section under general anesthesia. After developing pre-ecplamsia at 38 weeks, that's what happened with T. I didn't hear his first cry or see him or hold him until I woke up. I am grateful to have had a healthy baby, but I feel like I missed out on those precious first moments. A c-section is major surgery and is a longer and uncomfortable recovery. Some hospitals require that after a c-section, your future children be born cesarean as well. And that can also limit how many children you are able to have. Induction greatly increases the chance that a c-section will follow. All reasons why I really, really wanted to find a doctor/midwife who would believe in me and help me have a successful VBAC. The birth was hard. Like, crazy hard. But I did it. I was so weak that it took every last ounce of energy to hold that brand new baby in my arms. But it was amazing.
I know a natural birth isn't for everyone, but for me and my circumstances, it was right for us. Prayer plays a huge part. No matter what, you can trust in that.
Caitlin, you did not offend me at all. I know you were not attacking me or my beliefs. It is too bad that all to often, like that lady in the line, treated you. From both ways, I think that is unacceptable. What I didn't like was the way the article was written. I might agree with her to an extent, but it just felt like bashing on her end, and very self-absorbed. I might have taken it the wrong way, but I know others who have wrote about that very thing, who did it in a very respectful way.
ReplyDeleteThe only desire I have that all to often people do not do is resarch. I want every woman to research on their own every step of the pregnancy process, as well as after the birth. As long as you are making an educated decision on what is best for you, knowing the Pro's and Con's of each, then I respect that completely. There is so much research you can do about epidurals, pitocin, natural, c-section, shots, ultrasounds, etc.
I know before I have a baby, I will be studying up on things I need to be prepared for. & I know that maybe my pregnancy will not go according to plan, and that I need to be ready for whatever I need to bring my baby into the world.
I do think that each kind of pregnancy has its advantages and disadvantages. My mother delivered every single way, and not that someone who has a c section or an epidural is ANY less than a mother, but her experience having a completely natural birth was empowering to her. Her body can do that, by itself. I think that is such a great miracle, and something I really want to experience for myself. I feel like it is empowering.
I might not get to do that, and I will be okay with that when the time arises, as having this medicine to help us when we need, doctors when we need, is also a miracle.
I hope I made some sense, but I was just trying to share my perspective, and I hope I didn't stuff anything down your throat. As long as you are doing what you and your family decides is best (after your research), your birth is not anything less, and you are not less of a mother for any choice you make.
Oh Caitlin! I wasn't offended necessarily. I do believe that we as women, who have to push a large human out of a tiny hole, are entitled to how to push that human out! That being said, I would like to point out that a lot of women who have decided to go natural either in a hospital, at a birthing center, or at home have been called, 'crazy' 'insane' or other plethora of colorful terms. I believe that this is one of the reasons why women who decided to go natural feel defensive some times. The thing is that no matter which way you go, some one is going to be offended if you don't do it with an unbiased look. I totally disagree with the way those people came across in your stories. They remind me of another point I'd like to make is that sometimes when someone just starts out looking at the information they get kind of carried way with wanting to tell everyone the 'evils' of a epidural. (I hope I wasn't this way!) The truth is that everyone gets to do it how they want. Not only that but some times we don't get to do it how we want. In my case, I wasn't able to have the natural child birth that I wanted because Asher came early. I had high blood pressure and it was too dangerous to risk having my blood pressure go up any more by going natural. I am more than grateful for the medical advances that helped keep me and Asher alive. The next time I get pregnant though, I am hoping for a natural, water birth. I feel like I know what I need to do the second time around and how to help myself do that.
ReplyDeleteI advise you to really research it (AND PRAY like that lady said!!! Awesome advice!) and find out all the info about the pro's and con's to each side. I'd like to point out that there are actually a lot of statistics that show that birthing without any type of intervention (epidural, pitocin, c-section (some c-sections are planned) or birthing at home (compared to a hospital) is safer than in the opposite. Here is a article about the comparison of the effects/risks to an epidural and misconceptions about home births. Really good read. http://chriskresser.com/natural-childbirth-v-epidural-side-effects-and-risks
Also, I would suggest watching, The Business of Being Born. I think it's on Netflix or you can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvljyvU_ZGE
It's really got a TON of information about home and natural births. (Just so there not confusion...I probably will never have an at-home birth...but I think it's great when someone does it!) Keep in mind that this movie does show both sides but a good 80% of it is advocating natural/home births. I love love this movie!
PS Before you have a baby you should look into researching vaccinations as well. Know what ingredients are in them and how they can effect a small baby. Here's a few sites to look at:
http://www.nvic.org
http://vaxtruth.org/2011/08/vaccine-ingredients/
The Vaccine Book is another awesome resource! 100% unbiased...written by a doctor. He gives info about ingredients, effects from them, and a different vaccine schedule if you decide to delay, or only do certain ones! http://www.amazon.com/The-Vaccine-Book-Decision-Parenting/dp/0316180521/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1379129564&sr=8-1&keywords=the+vaccine+book
One more thing...Essential oils are the bomb! They help me feel empowered!
Hope I didn't over due it! My bottom-line....you are awesome. I think it's wise for you to be researching this an finding your own answers rather than just listening to secondhand information. Good luck! And if you every have any question about any of this ^^^ or anything granola....you can ask me!